Why Your Standards Are Actually Too Low (Even When You Think They're High)
You Thought Your Standards Were Already High? Well Guess What, YOU'RE WRONG, And I'll Explain Why
If you're reading this while frustrated about your dating life, wondering why you keep attracting the same types of disappointing men, or feeling like good guys just don't exist anymore, I have some uncomfortable news: your standards are probably much lower than you think they are. This might sting to hear, especially if you consider yourself someone who "knows their worth" and won't settle for just anyone.
The truth is, most women today have been conditioned to believe that having basic human decency requirements equals having "high standards." Meanwhile, they're accepting treatment, behavior, and effort levels that would have been considered completely unacceptable to women of previous generations. Today, we're going to examine why your standards might be lower than you realize and how raising them to their proper level can completely transform your dating life and relationships.
The Great Standards Deception
What Modern Women Think Are "High Standards"
Ask most women today about their standards, and you'll hear things like: "He has to have a job," "He should text me back within a reasonable time," "He needs to be faithful," or "He should treat me with respect." While these requirements are absolutely necessary, the fact that they're considered "high standards" reveals just how low the bar has fallen.
These aren't high standards – they're baseline requirements for any functional adult relationship. The fact that having a job and responding to messages has become something women feel they need to explicitly require shows how dramatically our expectations have dropped.
Many women pride themselves on not being "high maintenance" or "demanding," not realizing that what they're actually doing is accepting treatment that falls far short of what they deserve. They've confused having reasonable expectations with being difficult.
The Conditioning That Lowered Your Standards
Society has systematically conditioned women to lower their standards while believing they're being "realistic" or "understanding." Messages like "nobody's perfect," "relationships require compromise," and "don't be too picky" have convinced women that expecting excellence is unreasonable.
The rise of casual dating culture, dating apps, and "situationships" has normalized low-effort interactions and inconsistent behavior. What previous generations would have considered unacceptable treatment is now explained away as "just how dating is now."
Women have been taught to be grateful for scraps of attention and effort, to make excuses for men's poor behavior, and to believe that expecting consistent, high-quality treatment makes them unrealistic or demanding.
The Real Problem: Confusing Standards with Requirements
Basic Requirements vs. Actual Standards
There's a crucial difference between basic requirements and actual standards that most women don't understand. Requirements are the bare minimum for entry – things like having a job, being single, treating you with basic respect, and communicating consistently. These are non-negotiables that any functional adult should meet.
Standards, on the other hand, are about the quality and consistency of effort, treatment, and behavior you expect. Standards are about how he pursues you, how he prioritizes you, how he treats you when things get difficult, and how he shows up consistently in the relationship.
Many women mistake meeting basic requirements for meeting high standards. They're so relieved when a man has a job and texts back that they overlook his inconsistent effort, lack of planning, failure to prioritize them, or inability to provide emotional security.
Why This Distinction Matters
When you confuse requirements with standards, you end up settling for men who meet the bare minimum while believing you're being appropriately selective. You might end up with someone who has a job and isn't a complete disaster, but who also doesn't actively pursue you, plan meaningful dates, or make you feel like a priority.
This confusion keeps you stuck in relationships that are "fine" but not fulfilling, with men who are "good enough" but not exceptional. You end up grateful for basic human decency instead of expecting the kind of treatment that makes you feel cherished and valued.
Signs Your Standards Are Lower Than You Think
You're Making Excuses for Basic Inconsistencies
If you find yourself explaining away his inconsistent communication, irregular date planning, or failure to make concrete plans, your standards are too low. Quality men don't require you to make excuses for their behavior because their behavior is consistently good.
When you're constantly justifying why he didn't call when he said he would, why he cancels last minute, or why he only sees you when it's convenient for him, you're accepting treatment that falls far below what you should expect.
You Feel Grateful for Normal Relationship Behavior
If you feel genuinely grateful when he remembers important things about you, plans a nice date, or introduces you to his friends, your standards have been set too low. These behaviors should be expected, not exceptional.
Quality men consistently remember details about your life, regularly plan thoughtful experiences together, and naturally integrate you into their world. When these normal relationship behaviors feel like special treats, it's a sign you've been accepting less than you deserve.
You're Impressed by Basic Effort
Are you impressed when he picks a nice restaurant, dresses well for dates, or puts thought into gift-giving? While these things are nice, they should be standard behavior from a man who's genuinely interested in winning you over.
High-value men understand that impressing a quality woman requires consistent, thoughtful effort. If you're easily impressed by basic displays of effort, it suggests you've been accepting very low effort from other men.
You Tolerate Inconsistent Behavior Patterns
Perhaps the biggest sign that your standards are too low is tolerating inconsistent behavior patterns. This might look like accepting that he's attentive some weeks and distant others, that he's romantic when he wants something but neglectful day-to-day, or that his effort level fluctuates based on his mood or convenience.
Consistency is one of the most important qualities in a partner, yet many women accept inconsistency as normal or even romantic (the "he keeps me on my toes" mentality). Quality men are consistent in their interest, effort, and treatment of you.
What Truly High Standards Actually Look Like
Consistent, High-Quality Effort
Real high standards mean expecting consistent, high-quality effort in how he pursues you, plans for you, and treats you. This means he doesn't just text you randomly – he communicates with purpose and intention. He doesn't just ask to "hang out" – he plans actual dates and experiences.
A man meeting high standards will consistently put thought and effort into your interactions. His energy toward you doesn't fluctuate based on external factors or his convenience. He shows up consistently because he values the opportunity to be with you.
Prioritization and Integration
High standards mean expecting to be a priority in his life, not just an option when nothing better is happening. This looks like him making time for you even when he's busy, including you in his future plans, and integrating you into his life naturally.
A man who meets high standards doesn't compartmentalize you into a separate dating box – he sees you as someone he wants to build with and includes you in his broader life vision.
Emotional Availability and Maturity
True high standards include expecting emotional availability and maturity. This means he can communicate about feelings, handle conflict constructively, and provide emotional security and stability.
He doesn't shut down during difficult conversations, use silent treatment as punishment, or make you guess what's wrong. He's emotionally present and engaged, not just physically available.
Intentional Relationship Progression
High standards mean expecting clear intentions and natural relationship progression. He's not content to keep things casual indefinitely or avoid defining the relationship. He knows what he wants and moves toward it deliberately.
A man meeting high standards doesn't need to be convinced to commit or pressured to progress the relationship. He naturally wants to deepen the connection because he recognizes your value.
The Psychology of Low Standards
Fear-Based Decision Making
Many women unconsciously lower their standards because they're making decisions from fear rather than self-worth. Fear of being alone, fear of not finding anyone better, or fear of being "too picky" leads to accepting treatment that doesn't align with their actual worth.
This fear-based decision making creates a scarcity mindset where any attention feels better than no attention, and any relationship feels better than being single. Operating from this mindset virtually guarantees settling for less than you deserve.
The "Grateful" Programming
Women have been programmed to be grateful for any male attention or effort, no matter how minimal. This programming starts early with messages about not being "too demanding" and appreciating whatever you can get.
This grateful programming makes women feel bad about having expectations and guilty about wanting more. It creates a dynamic where women feel they should appreciate minimal effort instead of expecting excellence.
Comparison to Worse Treatment
Many women think their standards are high because they compare current treatment to worse treatment they've experienced in the past. If your last boyfriend never planned dates and this one occasionally does, it feels like an upgrade even if the planning is inconsistent or low-effort.
This comparison trap keeps you stuck accepting progressively better but still inadequate treatment instead of holding out for genuinely excellent treatment.
The Cost of Low Standards
Attracting Low-Value Men
When your standards are low, you attract men who are comfortable meeting low standards. High-value men are actually turned off by women who are too easily impressed or who accept inconsistent treatment.
Quality men expect to work for high-quality women. When you make it too easy by accepting minimal effort, you signal that you're not the high-value woman they're looking for.
Missing Out on Quality Partners
While you're busy being grateful for subpar treatment, quality men are looking for women who expect quality treatment. By lowering your standards, you're actually making yourself invisible to the men you most want to attract.
High-value men don't want to date women who settle – they want women who know their worth and expect to be treated accordingly.
Creating Unfulfilling Relationships
Low standards lead to relationships that are technically functional but emotionally unfulfilling. You end up with partnerships that meet your basic requirements but don't inspire you, excite you, or make you feel truly valued.
These relationships often feel "fine" but lack the passion, depth, and security that come from being with someone who truly values and prioritizes you.
How to Raise Your Standards (For Real This Time)
Define What You Actually Deserve
Stop thinking about what you can "realistically" expect and start thinking about what you actually deserve. You deserve consistent communication, thoughtful planning, emotional availability, and treatment that makes you feel valued and prioritized.
Write down what exceptional treatment looks like in each area of a relationship: communication, date planning, emotional support, physical affection, integration into his life, and future planning. Don't edit yourself based on what you think is "realistic" – focus on what would actually fulfill you.
Understand the Difference Between Standards and Demands
High standards aren't demands or ultimatums – they're natural expectations that you maintain through your actions and choices. You don't need to lecture men about your standards; you demonstrate them by only accepting treatment that meets them.
Standards are maintained by gracefully removing yourself from situations that don't meet them, not by trying to convince someone to treat you better.
Stop Making Excuses for Inconsistency
Consistency is non-negotiable for high standards. Stop making excuses for inconsistent behavior, irregular communication, or fluctuating effort levels. Quality men are consistent because they understand that inconsistency creates insecurity and anxiety.
If his behavior toward you changes based on external factors, his mood, or his convenience, he's not meeting high standards regardless of how good he is when he's at his best.
Expect to Be Pursued, Not to Pursue
High standards include expecting to be pursued rather than doing the pursuing yourself. Quality men understand that winning a high-value woman requires consistent effort and pursuit on their part.
If you find yourself constantly initiating contact, suggesting dates, or pushing the relationship forward, your standards aren't high enough. The right man will do these things naturally because he recognizes your worth.
The Dream Girl, Femme Fatale, Princess Treatment Connection
Embodying Your Highest Self
Women with genuinely high standards naturally embody qualities that make them irresistible to quality men. They become the "dream girl" – not by trying to be perfect, but by knowing their worth and refusing to accept less than they deserve.
A dream girl isn't someone who meets every man's fantasy, but someone who is so confident in her own value that she naturally attracts men who want to treat her like the prize she is.
The Femme Fatale Energy
There's a certain magnetism that comes from having unshakeable standards. This isn't about being manipulative or cruel – it's about having an inner knowing of your worth that creates natural allure. Men are drawn to women who clearly value themselves because it signals that they are valuable.
The femme fatale energy comes from being completely comfortable walking away from anything that doesn't serve you. This energy creates attraction because it demonstrates self-respect and confidence.
Natural Princess Treatment
When your standards are genuinely high and you maintain them consistently, princess treatment becomes natural rather than something you have to ask for or demand. Men who recognize quality naturally want to provide exceptional treatment.
Princess treatment isn't about being spoiled or demanding – it's about being with someone who naturally wants to cherish, protect, and prioritize you because they recognize your value.
The Transformation Process
Expect Resistance (From Yourself and Others)
When you start raising your standards, you'll face resistance both internally and externally. Your old programming will tell you that you're being unrealistic or too demanding. People around you might suggest you're being too picky.
This resistance is normal and temporary. It's evidence that you're breaking old patterns and creating new ones. Trust the process and stay committed to your higher standards.
The Clearing Out Phase
As you raise your standards, men who can't meet them will naturally fall away. This clearing out phase might feel lonely or scary, but it's necessary to make space for men who can meet your actual standards.
Don't let temporary loneliness convince you to lower your standards again. The clearing out phase is evidence that your new standards are working.
Attracting Higher Quality
As you consistently maintain higher standards, you'll begin attracting different types of men. Quality men are drawn to women who clearly value themselves and expect exceptional treatment.
This shift takes time, but as you persist in maintaining your standards, you'll notice that the men pursuing you are more consistent, more intentional, and more capable of providing the kind of relationship you actually want.
Your Complete Transformation Guide
Understanding that your standards are too low is just the first step in transforming your dating life and relationships. The process of raising your standards, embodying the confidence that attracts quality men, and creating the kind of relationships where you're naturally treated like royalty requires comprehensive guidance and support.
Many women struggle with this transformation because they don't have a clear roadmap for becoming the type of woman who naturally commands respect and exceptional treatment. They know they deserve better but don't know how to position themselves to attract it.
That's why I've created the Queen Bundle – a complete transformation guide designed to teach you how to become the dream girl who naturally attracts quality men, embody the femme fatale energy that creates magnetic attraction, and position yourself to receive the princess treatment you deserve.
This comprehensive bundle provides everything you need to raise your standards authentically, develop the confidence and energy that attracts exceptional men, and create relationships where being cherished and prioritized is the natural dynamic, not something you have to fight for.
The Queen Bundle goes beyond surface-level dating advice to help you embody the energy and mindset of a woman who naturally receives exceptional treatment because she knows she deserves nothing less.
Conclusion
Your standards are probably lower than you think they are because you've been conditioned to be grateful for basic human decency instead of expecting excellence. What you think are high standards are likely just basic requirements that any functional adult should meet.
Raising your standards isn't about becoming difficult or unrealistic – it's about expecting the kind of treatment that reflects your actual worth. When you stop accepting less than you deserve, you create space for the exceptional treatment you've always wanted.
Remember, quality men are attracted to women who clearly value themselves. Your high standards aren't barriers to love – they're magnets for the right kind of love. The man who is meant for you will not only meet your standards but will be grateful for the opportunity to exceed them.
Stop settling for "good enough" and start expecting exceptional. Your future self, living a life filled with the love and treatment you truly deserve, will thank you for having the courage to raise your standards and refuse to accept anything less.
You are worth more than you've been accepting. It's time to start expecting it.
